Twos are driven by a need to be loved, to be needed, to be appreciated. To get that love, they express love and devotion more freely than most: they become helpers," interested in the welfare of others, and in doing things for others.|
Their love, however, is not truly free; they expect repayment. Often they establish dependency relationships which art in effect, a form of bribery to get the love they so badly need. Twos are usually unwilling, even unable, to acknowledge that all their efforts to please and gratify are motivated by their own strong needs for love and approval.
Possible origins. Twos were the children who were loved for being pleasing. They quickly recognized the qualities in themselves that were appealing to the different adults in their lives and learned to put on a performance that met those needs. Another common scenario is reported by Twos whose sensitivity to the needs of others developed because they had to support their parents emotionally. Others recognized the manipulative possibilities of becoming indispensable and loved, and used their seductive abilities to extract what they needed from other people.
Flawed Twos become too involved, over-extend themselves in the service of too many good causes, befriend and advise too many people and wind up feeling burdened and physically worn out. They may feel that they are not properly valued. Twos are attracted to power and do not waste time developing relationships with those below. The need for love can degenerate into a need to control, expressed in the form of manipulation. Twos are masters at creating guilt in others while maintaining their own righteous positions. They may martyr themselves, ostensibly putting themselves in the service of others while unconsciously resenting those others.
As managers they will alter temperamentally, at times wanting to be liked by employees, at times feeling burdened by their presence.
Well-Adapted Twos, those who have learned to love without necessarily being loved in return, are unselfish, considerate, and genuinely loving. They are altruistic and frequently serve real needs in the world. They will be found serving on fund-raising committees, working with charitable organizations. On a personal level they are compassionate, thoughtful, and ready to help.
Well-adapted Twos see the potentials in people. They are sensitive to bringing a new person into the group. They draw people out. They also become capable of accepting anger in themselves when it occurs and using it as a basis for asserting their own needs. They stop cloaking themselves in selfless and powerless virtue, and free themselves to use power directly. They become less likely to do a slow burn and more likely to surface problems as they arise.
Occupations. Typical occupations are social services and philanthropic endeavors of all sorts. As managers, they might very well gravitate to human resources and training, or organization development. Attractive environments include any situation of assisting or associating with a powerful leader.
Twos will probably agree with most of the following statements:
- Many people depend on my help and generosity.
- I take more pride in my service of others than in anything else.
- I need to feel important in other people's lives. I like people to need me.
- I seem to have personal radar for the detection of moods and preferences of others.
- Each of my friends brings out a different part of me.
- I am attracted to difficult relationships.
- I don't feel that I have that many needs.
- I believe that gaining approval is equal to gaining love.
- When I have time off, I frequently spend it helping others.
- Having a sense of personal freedom is very important to me.